When I head the term ‘motivational speaker’, I’m always amused. A person who needs to be motivated is clearly stuck doing something highly unpleasant, because otherwise he/she would have done it without motivation.

Motivation and will power are tools used by people who have objectified themselves. Those who are ‘in alignment’ – they want to do what is good for them because they care for themselves enough. It is when you don’t care about yourself enough that you need external rewards – and motivational speakers to remind you of potential rewards. Essentially you’re still stuck with the carrot-stick parenting you were raised with.

You haven’t resolved your relationship with your parents, so you’re still stuck with the ‘inner parent’ telling you what to do and the ‘wounded inner child’ protesting and focusing on the immediate rewards. And as long as these two parts of you are fighting, the one that wins is the one who has the most incentive. Hence motivation – incentivise the inner child.

‘Living in alignment’ on the other hand – what does that mean? It means your body, mind and spirit function as one unit, not separate parts all trying to use and bully the other into doing something. Do you stand in front of the buffet spread on a full stomach and try to resist that extra piece of cake? That’s you out of alignment. When there’s alignment, there will be no desire. And it’s actually not that hard to get there – although a sincere effort is key.

When you’re living in alignment, you do things because they’re good for you, and you enjoy doing them, even if they are momentarily unpleasant. Motivation is not required, because there’s inner motivation ‘this is good for me/ this is the right thing to do’. When you push yourself through will power, you either hurt yourself directly or indirectly, either by injuring yourself or relationships in some way, or by getting sick as a result of the inner friction you are constantly living with.

So the next time you find yourself stuck in an inner conflict, just pause a moment and ask yourself “What would I have done if I really loved me and wanted the best for me?” and for the long term, heal your inner child, and learn to love yourself more deeply. Because it truly is worth it.