Zen: The Art of Nothing

Listen to article.

Here’s a few questions.

Do you drift off in the middle of a lecture?
Do you whip out your phone every time you have to wait for something?
Do you find it hard to do things that are good for you without sufficient motivation? Like eating unhealthy foods because they are tasty, not exercising because you are sleepy?
Do you have addictions? These could be substance addictions, addictions to gadgets, social media, people, etc.
Do you say or do things out of control and later regret them or experience unpleasant consequences?

If you answered yes to any of these, those are the areas where your mind controls you, rather than vice versa.

What kind of life do we live when we are in control? In this case, the mind is a tool for us to use, so it is quiet and uninterfering when it isn’t being used, and it is efficient when we apply it to situations and challenges. So when you’re doing something, you are focused on that and not distracted by a million other thoughts.

You don’t feel compelled to do things that you know are not good for you, you aren’t forced into addictive activities because the mind cannot tolerate silence, and your mind doesn’t take over and take the joy out of life when things go wrong.

Many of us confuse who we are with our minds, and that is only natural, even more so since we have never been taught to go any deeper, AND our society today places a large value on opinions and IQ.

IQ – intelligence quotient, indicates how sharp our brain is. The mind is a tool. An IQ score tells you how high end that machine is. What we cannot measure though is your skill in using that high end machine.

You know how some old people have the latest iphone and all they can manage to do is press buttons and call the wrong people, or maybe buttdial and send a bunch of crazy messages to the neighbour? Most people use the mind like that. Because we have never actually received education on how to use a great mind. This is why most geniuses have a crazy phase first, because they have to learn to use the machine. If you answered yes to the above questions, then you haven’t learned to use the machine. And the machine is AI. The machine is using you.

So two questions are pertinent. How high end is your mind? This can be indicated with a simple IQ test, or any test which assesses your logical reasoning and language skills. But the real question is how well do you know how to use your mind?

Probably a question that is even more pertinent than both these questions is, are you intelligent enough to know that investing in this pursuit is the real key to your success in all areas of life? Because if life is a race, the mind is like a car and you are the driver. Have you ever overtaken an expensive car on the road in your cheap car? That is the difference a great driver can make. Of course, the ideal scenario is a great driver in a great car. Which means that the people who are the most skilled at using their minds AND who have the best brains are usually the most successful in life, but even those with average intelligence can move ahead of most intelligent people if they learn to manage their minds better.

Now here’s something to bear in mind. The worst part of this whole story is, in this race of life, most people have no idea how to drive, they give you meaningless tips on how to drive better, and what’s more, they tell you that it is impossible to drive, that the car has all control. We receive this message consciously AND subconsciously through jokes. How many forwards, memes and conversations do you come across, where doing stupid things is justified? These are just little things we jokingly repeat to ourselves because the truth is just too harsh.

And that truth is, learning how to use the mind is merely a matter of investing a little time and energy. It is not rocket science, it is just effort.

So… how do we start taking charge of our minds? The first step is to open our eyes and SEE. We start bringing awareness to the moments when WE are in charge and when the MIND is in control. Every time you do something consciously, deliberately, you are in charge. Every time you do something mindlessly, out of force of habit, in the flow of emotions or something that is not good for your body, mind and relationships, those are moments when the mind is in control. Identification of the problem is the first and biggest step, and as we start to become aware of our mindful and mindless moments, we are already less helpless than before.

The easiest practice to develop this awareness is the practice of mindfulness, which is why it is becoming more and more popular. That is how we begin, and eventually having a teacher to point out mistakes and nudge us in the right direction can speed up this journey a lot more. We begin by bringing awareness to moments when our mind is in control and then developing the habit of stepping into our power when this happens, and doing the right thing rather than the mindless thing. It takes practice and patience.

Just like learning to drive a car, it can feel overwhelming and tiring in the beginning, because the mind is an extremely powerful tool, and it takes time to learn to use all the controls. Many spiritual masters tell us that we are living blind, unaware of reality, and this is because as we drive through life, we are asleep. Not only are we NOT the drivers of our own minds but even our eyes are closed.

I’d like you to imagine what it is like to be inside an out of control car, and how it feels to drive smoothly to a super cool destination. That is the sort of difference self work can make. The question is not whether or not this is possible, because it is. The question is not whether or not this is too hard, because it is not. The question is only whether you want this strongly enough to learn to use this incredible machine that you have.

Yesterday as I spoke to someone, we marveled at the paradox in the world. That the more one learns, the humbler one becomes, the more aware one becomes of how little one knows – so one tends to be more quiet about it. The beginners on the other hand, those with very little knowledge, think they know everything, they have the route map and the journey’s predictable. And they’re the loudest, more sure of them all. And it is these voices everyone hears.

It is the same with the mind. I had a conversation yesterday with a bright student who is dedicated to the spiritual pathway. Pretty sure it was equally enjoyable for both of us. The right questions are always more important than the right answers.

As I took my participants through an online Shadow-work course, I realised that most people were unaware that a narcissist was the shadow of an empath, and vice versa. So, I thought that an article was needed.

In case you’re unaware of the term, an ‘Empath‘ is a person who is highly aware of other people’s feelings, to the point of often confusing the emotions with their own feelings, and at times even picking up symptoms and illnesses from other people. While some take a balanced view, there has been a tendency in many articles to glorify empaths, whereas really it is just a term. It does not make you special, and in my experience people most commonly become empaths as a response to trauma during early childhood, and it is possible to heal and balance this aspect.

Empaths usually have a pattern of attracting narcissists especially in intimate relationships, moving from one kind of abuse to another. It may seem like empaths and narcissists are extremely different, but in reality they are two sides of the same coin.

Yes, empaths pick up emotions, but this isn’t as big a deal as it is made out to be. The feelings we pick up do not have to affect us at all.

First – how do we determine whether what we are feeling is our own emotions or someone else’s? Basically anything and everything that happens within YOU is yours. For instance, there’s a wide variety of crime that you read about, but only specific ones bother you. Why? We see all kinds of wrong-doing around us, but only specific ones bother us. Why? Because these trigger memories. Unresolved memories release pain into our systems when we are faced with similar instances.

Empaths merely suffer more because they get triggered more easily, not because they pick up other people’s feelings. If you resolve your issues, you just watch the feelings come and go, it doesn’t bother you.

Empaths attract narcissists because they have a desperate need to focus on something other than themselves- because they like fixing others as a way of avoiding their own core issues. This works very well with narcissists because they like to be the focus of all attention, and are happy to take all the energy that empaths want to give. When the empaths are ’empty’, the narcissist will usually leave.

One of the questions that came up in my 21 Days of Shadow Work journey was, “What would be the difference between caring about ourselves first and being selfish?”

Actually we’re being selfish when we’re not caring about ourselves, and not being honest.

For example if someone invited you to their wedding and you resent them, or are really not in the mood to go, but you go anyway- are you adding positivity or negativity to their environment? Are you being honest when you are pretending to enjoy yourself?

If someone asks you if they can drop in and you really aren’t in the space for this, you need time alone, and when they come you just drag and push yourself through the motions, have you been generous or just a plain liar?

If you value a relationship with someone, you’ll feel free to tell them how you feel. And if they value the relationship, they’ll value your honesty. But if you’re in transactional relationships, then it is a business deal, your well-being is of no importance and anything you do in your own interest is ‘selfish’ because it is not serving the other person.

Transactional relationships are the norm now a days, unfortunately. You can decide whether you want to fill your life with them – some do choose this, or you can decide whether you’re more interested in open, honest relationships based on love and care.

I had a long conversation with a dear cousin as he navigates through the 21 day Contemplation journey. He was happy to let me share this, even his name but I just felt like removing that any way.

When I read the chat out to a friend, she could relate to so much of it, and requested me to put this up in a blog post in case it helps other people. So here goes.

His first message is a response to a question about whether he could love himself as he was.