Zen: The Art of Nothing

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Here’s a few questions.

Do you drift off in the middle of a lecture?
Do you whip out your phone every time you have to wait for something?
Do you find it hard to do things that are good for you without sufficient motivation? Like eating unhealthy foods because they are tasty, not exercising because you are sleepy?
Do you have addictions? These could be substance addictions, addictions to gadgets, social media, people, etc.
Do you say or do things out of control and later regret them or experience unpleasant consequences?

If you answered yes to any of these, those are the areas where your mind controls you, rather than vice versa.

What kind of life do we live when we are in control? In this case, the mind is a tool for us to use, so it is quiet and uninterfering when it isn’t being used, and it is efficient when we apply it to situations and challenges. So when you’re doing something, you are focused on that and not distracted by a million other thoughts.

You don’t feel compelled to do things that you know are not good for you, you aren’t forced into addictive activities because the mind cannot tolerate silence, and your mind doesn’t take over and take the joy out of life when things go wrong.

Many of us confuse who we are with our minds, and that is only natural, even more so since we have never been taught to go any deeper, AND our society today places a large value on opinions and IQ.

IQ – intelligence quotient, indicates how sharp our brain is. The mind is a tool. An IQ score tells you how high end that machine is. What we cannot measure though is your skill in using that high end machine.

You know how some old people have the latest iphone and all they can manage to do is press buttons and call the wrong people, or maybe buttdial and send a bunch of crazy messages to the neighbour? Most people use the mind like that. Because we have never actually received education on how to use a great mind. This is why most geniuses have a crazy phase first, because they have to learn to use the machine. If you answered yes to the above questions, then you haven’t learned to use the machine. And the machine is AI. The machine is using you.

So two questions are pertinent. How high end is your mind? This can be indicated with a simple IQ test, or any test which assesses your logical reasoning and language skills. But the real question is how well do you know how to use your mind?

Probably a question that is even more pertinent than both these questions is, are you intelligent enough to know that investing in this pursuit is the real key to your success in all areas of life? Because if life is a race, the mind is like a car and you are the driver. Have you ever overtaken an expensive car on the road in your cheap car? That is the difference a great driver can make. Of course, the ideal scenario is a great driver in a great car. Which means that the people who are the most skilled at using their minds AND who have the best brains are usually the most successful in life, but even those with average intelligence can move ahead of most intelligent people if they learn to manage their minds better.

Now here’s something to bear in mind. The worst part of this whole story is, in this race of life, most people have no idea how to drive, they give you meaningless tips on how to drive better, and what’s more, they tell you that it is impossible to drive, that the car has all control. We receive this message consciously AND subconsciously through jokes. How many forwards, memes and conversations do you come across, where doing stupid things is justified? These are just little things we jokingly repeat to ourselves because the truth is just too harsh.

And that truth is, learning how to use the mind is merely a matter of investing a little time and energy. It is not rocket science, it is just effort.

So… how do we start taking charge of our minds? The first step is to open our eyes and SEE. We start bringing awareness to the moments when WE are in charge and when the MIND is in control. Every time you do something consciously, deliberately, you are in charge. Every time you do something mindlessly, out of force of habit, in the flow of emotions or something that is not good for your body, mind and relationships, those are moments when the mind is in control. Identification of the problem is the first and biggest step, and as we start to become aware of our mindful and mindless moments, we are already less helpless than before.

The easiest practice to develop this awareness is the practice of mindfulness, which is why it is becoming more and more popular. That is how we begin, and eventually having a teacher to point out mistakes and nudge us in the right direction can speed up this journey a lot more. We begin by bringing awareness to moments when our mind is in control and then developing the habit of stepping into our power when this happens, and doing the right thing rather than the mindless thing. It takes practice and patience.

Just like learning to drive a car, it can feel overwhelming and tiring in the beginning, because the mind is an extremely powerful tool, and it takes time to learn to use all the controls. Many spiritual masters tell us that we are living blind, unaware of reality, and this is because as we drive through life, we are asleep. Not only are we NOT the drivers of our own minds but even our eyes are closed.

I’d like you to imagine what it is like to be inside an out of control car, and how it feels to drive smoothly to a super cool destination. That is the sort of difference self work can make. The question is not whether or not this is possible, because it is. The question is not whether or not this is too hard, because it is not. The question is only whether you want this strongly enough to learn to use this incredible machine that you have.

During our 21 day spiritual journey on Whatsapp, one participant faced a particularly tough challenge with one question and asked for some help and clarification. The conversation that followed helped many other participants, who said they could relate very much and found the conversation very insightful. Hence I share it here in case anyone else finds it helpful too.

Participant: What I am missing out is being truly me. Authenticity is freedom because there is no pretense. When there is nothing to pretend there is only truth left. Which is a relief. But not knowing my true self and not being grounded I am pretending to myself too. In such a situation we only look at others and try and fix ourselves. Feels like if this worked for them, it will work for me too. So we hop from one person’s choices and decisions to others .. pretending it’s ours. And always something pinches from within ‘this doesn’t feel quite mine what I don’t really know what would I pick to be mine’.

Ashwita: Do you want to actually go towards being more authentic though, or are you satisfied with this idea?

Ashwita: Yes this is normal. When the questions are too overwhelming,  goes into shut down. Just relax with the question , hold it in your heart and you go deeper anyway even if nothing comes up

Participant: I have been trying from many  to be authentic. Because that’s  for me.  I am tired of pretending and tired of  choosing words to suit situations i face.

I believe when you are authentic you don’t have to try. Please help me achieve that 🙏

Somehow the feeling of defeat is coming very strongly for me .. as I have tried multiple times to pick good habits and practice what I preach , but all gone to thrash.

Like I know I am going to fail  and again again.

Ashwita: so if you don’t  choose words, then you have nothing to say?

Participant: Yea .. often i find myself with no opinion because it’s easy for me to accept ‘they ‘ know better

Every .. at home, financial, what to order, what to cook. At work .. team decisions .. everywhere.

I feel the worst when someone presents their opinion and ask me what do you think .. and I am like blank.. so i choose  what’s popular abs . So that everyone agrees.

Participant: It’s like I have accepted the  that I do not have opinions and like to say I just go with the flow. But that a LIE

Ashwita: Interesting…. how do you know that this is a lie?

Participant: Because before I speak i know I am choosing what’s going to get an agreement. I know I am not coming from my core. Agree when all agrees and disagree when someone else does it too. You will  see my hand raise with an objection or question

I can see my layers .. I don’t know how to remove them. Or shed them rather

Ashwita: But how do you know that you actually have an opinion if you have  encountered them?

Participant: I see that as a shortcoming

Ashwita: so you have assumed that you have opinions and decided that it is a shortcoming?

Participant: I am too scared .. I feel when I open my mouth it will add no value

Participant: Kind of shut my self

Participant: I see having opinion is a strong way to come from your authentic self… This is honestly my biggest suffering

Ashwita: No, that is an assumption. And a very wrong one at that… forming an opinion is a thing to do – you are confusing doing with being.

Forming an opinion takes time and effort. If you had the energy to sustain any practice, you could have had energy to educate yourself and put in enough thought into everything and have an opinion about everything. Not like you have absolutely no opinions, you do have an opinion that you have nothing to add to any conversation. That’s a very big opinion to have.

Participant: As I am linking it to authenticity. I just don’t want to pretend.

Ashwita: It has nothing to do with authenticity. Pretending will stop if you simply say – I have nothing to add to that, I don’t have thoughts in the matter. That is authenticty

Participant: May be I see it as being seen by others .. an acknowledgement that i exist

Some people always have a lot of value to add in a conversation. Almost everyone around me. And I don’t see that coming from me .. so almost feel like I do not exist.

I see myself as a blurred background .. just there. No value addition.

I am starting to see a connection.  That I am very scarred to take responsibilities for the fear of failing. May be my choices or my decision will make the finances, or dinner, or the team fail.

Ashwita: Yeah so basically you are comparing yourself with others and want to have what they have. Without that you see no worth in yourself. And that obviously makes you devalue yourself, so then investing in yourself will become a redundant exercise because nobody invests in a worthless thing. You want to be seen by others. Have you seen you?

Participant: I see it now.. Where you are coming from

Ashwita: People around you value people with ideas and things to say, and have no value for those who don’t (or so you have perceived) and you have believed that narrative and refused to place any value on who you are – someone with nothing much to add

Participant: Yes that’s hard to accept. How can someone never have anything to say. Was the person even involved? Was the person even present or paying attention

Ashwita: Having something to say takes work and thinking. It is something you learn, not someone you are. If it is a behaviour that served you as a child, you develop it. If it was snubbed then you don’t, and then you have to put in the effort to learn to develop it. There are people who never have anything to say.

Ashwita: And…. you don’t have nothing to say. Scroll up and see. There’s plenty you have to say. You just don’t have much to say in certain matters

Participant: Does that mean i am in the wrong place?

Ashwita: It mean you haven’t spent enough time looking at yourself without expectation. You’re again going back to trying to fix things rather than trying to see who you are.

Participant: How can I begin the work?

I got this undevided attentive from you and i can’t belive. I think I didn’t deserve it.

Gosh I am so broken

Ashwita: Accept that you have nothing to say, that maybe sometimes it is simply easier to agree than express that you have nothing to say so you take the easy path sometimes. And practice deep listening and witness your disgust at yourself when you have nothing to say. You DO have a lot to say, most of it is usually shit about yourself.

When someone asks you for your opinion, your opinion is merely ‘I am an idiot because I have nothing to contribute, and I am going to try to say something in order for you not to find out’ – that is an opinion followed by an action plan.

Change that action plan to realising that you are repeating a very longstanding, erroneous opinion of yourself and to go deeper and see what you’re really feeling in that moment, instead.

Participant: You bang on .. you found my plan for survival 😂

Thank you so much for this 😍

Ashwita: 🤗

Another Participant: It was an eye opening . Thank you both.  I see I also feel worthy only when I am useful , I make people laugh ,or I pacify arguments or take  for others emotions . Otherwise standalone I feel unworthy. There is no me without being useful. And then i get angry when they use me which is the picture I only gave them in  place. I feel worthless. Will eft it .. Do you see more here Ashwita ?

Ashwita: ah…. the standard need versus love dilemma

You see, if people need you, you have the illusion that they’ll be with you. If on the other hand they are with you merely because they love you, you cannot control them, and there’s a fear of loss. So we prefer being useful to simply being loved… we feel there’s a bit of a guarantee there. It is a funny thing really, because in fact it is the opposite. When people are with us because we are useful, they’ll leave us once they find a better replacement, AND we’ll never feel loved because we were never loved, we were only valued for our usefulness. If someone is with us because they love us, they aren’t leaving anyway because well, they love us!

Another Participant: So basically being useful  is manipulation to get love … I see that .. rather than just see that maybe I feel unlovable just as I am.