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Year: 2014

The Danger in Compromise

The Danger in Compromise

When we think of relationships, compromise almost seems a synonym. Of course, right? How could a happy relationship exist without compromise? Any relationship – whether romantic, family, in-laws or friends involves different, sometimes diametrically opposite people.

While one likes football, the other may like the Opera. One might seek thrill outdoors while the other might want to curl up under blankets to relax. One might like to get things off the chest by confronting, while the other might be willing to do anything to avoid a confrontation. Sooner or later, these two people will have to meet midway. Compromise?

I may be wrong in saying that compromise poisons a relationship. So let me begin with what compromise means to me – to compromise is to ‘settle’ for something less than desirable, often as a result of perceiving no other choice.

But here’s the thing. When you really love someone, it doesn’t feel like one is ‘settling’. These things are voluntary. A friend once mentioned how he watched painfully cheesy romantic films along with his girlfriend. When I asked him why, he said that he enjoyed these times nevertheless because it brought him joy to see her happy. It wasn’t compromise, it was choice. And that makes all the difference.

Choice is voluntary. Compromise is forced, or perceived as such, due to lack of other options. Compromise seeks a payoff, and on not finding enough, it can create considerable resentment. Over time, resentment from compromise builds up, leading to cracks in the relationship.

Choices are most found in parent-child relationships. Parents willingly give up many things to bring comfort, security or happiness to the child. This happens because parents are almost always aware of their love for the child. This is something that somehow disappears in most other relationships.

Look for a win-win

Most times when we seek compromise, the underlying attitude is really about how both can lose equally, ‘adjust’ equally. If we can take a step back here, and go back to love, take the attention to how both people can get the best of the situation, then things change, even if it is the same solution.

Go back to love

The older a relationship gets, the more tedious and tiring it tends to become. Patterns repeat, and we seek easy ways out. If we let this fatigue motivate us to find a solution, we will end up with another tiring mess. Instead, the moment we become aware of a desire to brush things under the carpet, we can bring our complete awareness to the situation. We can remind ourselves of the love we have for this other person, whether parent, spouse, sibling or child, and ask ourselves how we can really resolve this problem, instead of just temporarily ‘fixing’ it.

Dancing with Life

Dancing with Life

Put your heart and soul into dancing with life

It seems like another lifetime when I learned Reiki. Life then used to be slow, almost a crawling pace. It all seemed under control, and lessons were learned one at a time. Things started speeding up 2010 onwards, and suddenly what people took a decade to experience, they were experiencing within a year. Those who were prepared, faced a little less trouble than others, but we all faced the music anyway. We’re still facing the music, most of us, aren’t we? Question is, are you just listening, or are you dancing to it?

There cannot be pleasure without pain
Every time I heard the above statement, I knew that it must be true, but I couldn’t really ‘get’ it. So here’s an idea that helped me understand.

Take the example of a dancer. To be a dancer does not mean that you will never fall or never hurt yourself. And yet, a true dancer gives every move his everything, If every dancer occupied his or her time with the pain that dancing brought, or the frustration of it’s rigor, there would be no joy, no pleasure in the dance. A dancer lives in joy because she knows that pain is natural. So is the bliss.

You are in this body (and mind) because the universe wants to experience what it is like, to be YOU. To experience what it feels like, to be happy, sad, angry, calm, frustrated, pleased, ecstatic, desolate, and everything else – as you.

So participate in every moment life brings your way. It may be a tough move, but give it your best and dance anyway. You may not be graceful yet, or the best dancer around, but you’ll learn. And the best part is, you’ll enjoy every moment of it.

Healing Intense Emotions

Healing Intense Emotions

The last few years have been interesting. Whether this is due to the 2012 effect, the alignment of planets, the effect of media and electronics or none of it, many people observe that life has gotten faster, harder and emotions seem more out of control. The individual as well as collective mind seems to be undergoing an upheaval.

What’s going on?
From my perspective, it looks like a mass cleansing. It appears as if years of bottled up and suppressed emotions are being brought to the surface. While this is a nice thing in the long term, in the short term it can create a lot of disturbance.

What can we do?
As a soul, we take physical form to experiment and experience. But when we forget this fact, the incidents in life go from being an ‘interesting experience’ to a burden and a curse. As long as we resist the present moment, no matter how illogical and fearsome it may be, we create more hindrance than what is already present.

We start by telling ourselves that it is natural to go through whatever we are going through. Just like the more one struggles in water, the faster one drowns, the more one resists in life, the faster they reach a nervous breakdown.

But what if I can’t?
Most of us know about the acceptance already, don’t we? So what do we do when we’re stuck with a head overflowing with emotions?

Start with this:

Breathe into your pain

If the emotions are particularly intense, then breathe quickly and forcefully for about 10 seconds, before settling into a gentle but deep breathing for 3 minutes.

Feel the emotions
When the emotions are at a manageable level, allow them to surface, and feel whatever else comes up. It helps to spend some time sitting in front of a blank wall as it allows the projections to become easier.

It is a natural response for many of us to try avoiding what we are feeling, by watching TV, surfing the internet or using some other form of activity. While this might help temporarily, it only suppresses the emotions for some time, before they come up and bother you again. If we can sit and allow ourselves to surrender to these feelings, then they will eventually pass, leaving our system clean.

Note that feeling and expressing aren’t the same thing. When you are truly immersed in feeling, you don’t have any energy left to express. It is only when you are trying to avoid the feeling, that the energy you are trying to suppress comes out as an explosive emotional outburst.

Accept it
Feelings come and go. But our conditioning causes us to judge our feelings, due to which we try suppressing them. For instance, if a mother is very angry with her child, she feels like a bad mother and tries to suppress it. This causes her frustration and even more self-directed anger, which eventually comes out on the child. Often this just becomes a pattern, as the anger she takes out on the child causes more guilt and anger.

Acceptance creates a huge space for problem solving. When in resistance, we are stuck with a thought that the only way to be happy is to make this problem go away. Acceptance opens things up and allows us to say ‘Ok, so this is where I am now. How do I make the best of this situation?’ So instead of agonizing over what you cannot do, you are focused on what you can.

Right Now

Right Now

As you look at your screen, as you breathe,
This moment, this instant
Someone out there is smiling
Someone else is breaking down

Somebody is letting the silence speak
Someone else is trying to shout over the din
Someone is unzipping a tent to a beautiful dawn
While someone else tucks her babies in

Somebody is standing atop a mountain
Letting her hair fly in the wind
Someone else is looking down, wondering
If he could end his pain by jumping

Someone is experiencing a first kiss
And someone else, their teary last
Somebody is excited about their latest adventure
Somebody else is losing hope, falling apart

Somewhere, right now, huddled around a fire
They’re playing the guitar, singing
Somewhere else a homeless man
Tries to fall asleep, shivering

Someone is delighted to hear
Their newborn’s first cries
Someone else’s heart screams
As a loved one slowly dies

Yes, somewhere, the dolphins are leaping
Mesmerised by the breaking dawn
Somewhere a tiger hides in wait
For a chance to attack that grazing fawn

Somewhere right now, clouds are floating
Making spectacular designs on morning skies
Waves are kissing the shores, to leave once more
And mountains are growing, touching new highs

Right now somewhere, flowers are blooming
Butterflies are flapping their tiny wings
Leaves are fluttering in surrender to the wind
Somewhere, a bird in all it’s gaiety sings

This instant, somewhere,
A star is being born
Elsewhere a black hole
Consumes all it once formed

Right now, this very moment,
Worlds are being formed, worlds are falling apart
Life is unfurling; are you here yet,
Or are you still lost in the future and past?

Are You Cancer?

Are You Cancer?

Cancer is one of the worst diseases to have afflicted mankind. It isn’t just about affecting one person, and the ordeal doesn’t end when the disease ends. The family goes through intense suffering through physical exertion, multiple visits to the hospitals, the constant fear of losing a loved one, and guilt for not being able to do enough. And even after the disease is cured, IF it is cured, there is the terror of what each follow up check will reveal. It brings up emotions of hatred towards the disease, fear, anger, and what not.

Cancer is a disease, right? It’s something gone awfully wrong, in nature? But have we ever looked at life from the perspective of a cancerous cell? Just imagine. In a body where every cell is bound by it’s duty to the whole body, here’s a cell that decides to break free, to do what it wants. It puts it’s own needs ahead of the needs of the organism.

In the beginning, this is just about freedom, of multiplying it’s own kind. With every subsequent generation, these cells forget that they belong to the organism, and that the health of the organism is critical to their own survival. So very quickly priorities change, and now they start using the organism for their own growth. They now start feeding on the resources meant for other cells. Eventually, they multiply so far and wide, that they choke the free flow of nutrients in the body, damage other organs, and eventually cause death – of the organism, as well as themselves.

Yes.. have we ever looked at life from the perspective of a cancer cell? Now that we see it more clearly, I wonder, have we ever had any other perspective in our own lives? When the organism earth was healthy, every element, every molecule on this planet worked towards the ultimate good of the planet itself. And then one cancerous cell arrived. One human being decided that it was his own needs that were important, and others followed. With every generation, they forgot that they belonged to the earth, and the earth merely became something to own, something to use.

They started feeding on the resources meant for other beings, other parts of earth. Homes of millions of other beings were destroyed, leaving them homeless, to be domesticated, captured or killed if they ventured into human territory.

They have disrupted and polluted the circulation of vital nutrients – rivers have been killed, dammed or redirected to suit the whims and fancies of this species. Oceans have been polluted beyond recognition. Even outer space has not been spared. They care only about themselves, and about furthering their own clan, extending their own life span. Because to them, that is all that matters.

We look at a cancer patient and want to cry, wondering why nature would mete out a punishment this harsh to a soul this gentle. But what if WE are the cancer cell? What if we are the ones growing out of bounds, inching closer everyday to killing a beautiful, divine creation of God?

Cancer is a mere manifestation of the disease that is ripping the planet apart. A few gentle beings reflect this disease in a vain attempt to remind humanity of the disease it has become. If you study the human body carefully, you start to realise that every cell is important, every cell matters. And in this organism, this beautiful, divine earth, you matter. We can sit and ruminate about how mankind has gone haywire, but the critical question remains just this – ARE YOU A CANCER CELL TOO?

Am I?

Am I?

I am a poet
But when I listen to music I wonder,
Why add words
To something so eloquent, so divine?

I’m a dreamer
But when I open my eyes, I wonder,
Why run away from perfection
Into the recesses of the mind?

I am a traveler
But when I look around, I wonder,
Why explore new places
When everyday I still discover something new about mine?

I am an artist
But when I sit to create, I wonder,
Can I truly express
When I am yet, myself to find?

I am a thinker
But when I seek answers I wonder,
Why chase meaning
When life has no reason or rhyme?